A Deeper Trauma :: N2W 220317

stairs beneath the street

Photo credit goes to: KL Caley

“Why am I cranky on my birthday? Because today is also the anniversary of Darla, my only child, leaving to do her duty in this blasted war. I’ve hardy seen her.”

“You promised to try and enjoy the day. Here we are.”

“What is . . .?  Oh no! I’m not going down there.”

“It’s highly recommended.”

“It’s dark and . . .”

“Oh – do come along. It’s just a basement restaurant.”

“Without lights . . .”

“Your eyes will adjust.”

“SURPRISE!”

“Darla!  It’s you; and everyone . . . “.

“Hi Mom. My tour is done. I’m home.”


From:  KL Caley’s New To Writing: #WRITEPHOTO
GW bio card 4

29 thoughts on “A Deeper Trauma :: N2W 220317

    1. Ha, and there’s the rub George.
      All these 99 word gems came from thoughts that started with anywhere between 30% to 300+% more words and what goes out feels like an emaciated skeleton of the original.
      I’m left wondering if there would be any readers for longer versions.
      This happened to me with my first longer story about 18 months ago, titled, “Ayem Notthymn” and readers asked for more. So I produced a new longer version version titled, “Ayem Notthymn, the Second Door”.
      Huge amount of work, but actual readers were rare. I don’t have an audience for works of that size (yet?) so am reluctant to go overboard with chasing these all down.
      It would be very discouraging to produce these stories only to see them languish with very few readers.
      Thanks for the read and feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ll take this diversion and see what I can find, but I’d like to think I don’t have to be brutal, only honest with grace.

        1) Should “A group on men.” ->”A group OF men”

        2) the sentence that reads, “Bass. Bass’s men.” how was this concluded? order – or voice recognition? You should call this out.

        3) the sentences, “Middle age. But with wild red hair.” should not be 2 but 1 as in “Middle age – but with wild red hair.” or perhaps just a comma.

        4) The sentence that reads, “Then she realized she’d be stripped of her clothing.” should it read,”Then she realized she’d BEEN stripped of her clothing.” or is it correct and there would be nnn-human questions raised as a result?

        5) Great chapter end point, but suggest you follow with something stronger to serve notice on your reader that this chapter is done. You could center and italicize “More to Come”

        Again, another piece with rich imagery – very vivid.

        You need to go back and review how you denote her thoughts (the use of italics as you did some places is my favorite) but there are places that read as if they’re her thoughts but are not italicized.

        Your Conan O’Brien line cracked me up, but I wondered if you’re going to let this character have a sense of humor or irony. Would she even think something so obviously untrue without stronger evidence to get her there?

        This story is finding purchase and is building momentum.

        Fun stuff George. Bravo on you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Glad you read it! Great comments, thanks! (All comments go into my notes folder to be reviewed when, and if, there’s a major rewrite. Meaning all your comments will be given respectful due process…)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Fun story.

    I once went down into an underground cave. The entrance wasn’t fancy like the picture. I was surprised once inside that it was a functioning night club at night (I didn’t attend at night though).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Also / just my thoughts – but your blog is hard to navigate and too many pages and too many links to click through. Luckily but the the third page I scrolled down and saw recent posts – but it made my head spin a little read about collections – the <20 and other things – q
    Maybe one thing would help me
    – and maybe orhers – would be if you had a widget with recent posts on the page that we land on when we click on your gravatar.
    Do you know what I mean?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the idea.
      I do know what you mean but don’t know how I would implement.
      Let me scratch head on it.
      I’m used to such menu systems but have also felt overwhelmed by them so I think I get it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi / that was exactly what it felt like – a menu system – haha – thanks for the word.
        And one idea is to just have a whole lot of headings on the main page.
        I know two bloggers in particular that do that and at first I thought it was “too heavy” but then I realized it is easy to see the 20 options they offer and found it super clear and easy to get to where I needed to go- if that makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi Yvette, Okay – I think I’ve implemented one of your ideas and I really like it. I had already a page with newest stuff listed, but had begun to let it sit as it was not being seen often or used by anyone, but by poking around my Gravatar profile, I found how to add a website. If someone clicks there now, they are offered my New Stuff link along with the link to my home page. I still think it’s awkward, but is much closer to what I wanted anyway and now my New Stuff page is up to date. Thanks for getting me there.
      https://garyawilsonstories.wordpress.com/quick-links-to-newest-stuff/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh how cool – I will go and check it out – but I didn’t mean the gravity landing page with the lists of blogs and all that (which is important) I meant the link that we go to you when we click on your blog if you leave a comment somewhere…. that should take us to the blog or main menu – do you know what I mean?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Yvette.
        Thanks for this pointer.
        Things got nuts here and I’m only now getting back to my pending comments. Robbie’s layout is very clean. I’ve got to find a way to get closer to this example. Many thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Stine. Agreed. This is the kind of surprise I could handle all day and who would not enjoy something this nice? Thanks for giving it a read and for letting me know. You’re welcome to pop by any time for more enjoyable stories. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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